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24 June 2020 @ 11:10 pm
I am my own self human being.
I believe in freedom and free thinking.
I believe in global evolution.
I believe resources are readily available and that they have been plundered.
I believe we can regenerate things without abusing nature.
I believe in my own personal heaven.
I believe we're all individuals, but still connected.
I encourage unity in humankind.
I believe consciousness makes us who we are.
I believe in moving forward.
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28 August 2018 @ 08:47 pm
Bend your chest open so I can reach your heart
I need to get inside, or I'll start a war
Wanna look at the pieces that make you who you are
I wanna build you up and pick you apart

Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright
I'm gonna love you inside out
I'm gonna love you inside out
Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright
I'm gonna love you inside out
I'm gonna love you inside out
I'm gonna love you
I'm gonna love you
I'm gonna love you

I'm gonna pick your brain and get to know your thoughts
So I can read your mind when you don't wanna talk
And can I touch your face before you go?
I collect your scales but you don't have to know

Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright
I'm gonna love you inside out
I'm gonna love you inside out
Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright
I'm gonna love you inside out
I'm gonna love you inside out
30 July 2018 @ 08:23 pm
An old song captures that familiarity of being lost and being forgotten. And it makes me calm, in a way, like being held of something intangible.
24 July 2018 @ 06:13 am
We make mistakes, me and you
Some forgiveable, some atrocious
Small things can be bigger
And large will soon be small
We wouldn’t know the extent
Until we face the unprecedented.

So how are things gonna be right,
How do things get better
When we let mistakes slide off
Without real punishment?

And what is real punishment,
Who put things together,
Who says what should be done,
And decides the right fine?

I guess, as complex or easy it can be,
It’s either we learn
Or take the same path
Without looking back.
26 March 2018 @ 03:12 pm

All these years, we've been playing safe to avoid pain and suffering. We were protected from conception to adulthood. Some of us even have our parents’ vigilance, care and security even when we have our own family. It’s human nature. They can’t just let us be. It was designed from the beginning of time. 

Until we decide to ignore them.

We did stuffs they didn’t know. Stuffs that we know might hurt or betray them. We didn’t care or think about them, so long as we were happy, fulfilled, thrilled. We were too dense and fearless. Flying to the unknown means being brave. We wanted to show what we can do on our own.

Being on our own. It was uncovering life for the second time. The second we stepped outside, we knew that myriad of things lie ahead. They are just waiting for us to meet and touch them. The rustle of the leaves, dark path, slippery rocks, straining upward climb, stepping on the edge of the cliff, the wind on your face – heartening to dance your whole body, the bottomless water waiting for you to fall. They might scare you off. You could get injured. But why are you there in the first place? It’s not the place to be safe, no soft fleece or couch to sit comfortably with, no clean food to eat on a nice table. All those things that make you comfortable each day are not there and you know it. You know it from the beginning.

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20 October 2017 @ 08:25 pm
I've been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman's control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don't see myself upon that list

But she said, "Where d'you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts.
Some superhero,
Some fairytale bliss.
Just something I can turn to.
Somebody I can kiss.
I want something just like this."
28 September 2017 @ 01:58 am
I got the job. I was only half expecting it because even though I feel like I have the ability to handle it and learn more about it, I didn’t feel like I really did well in the interview. I did not prepare, I didn’t think of any proposals to offer on the table once I get started, I sounded repetitive, they had to rephrase some questions to hear what they wanna hear, and I know that I have answered some of the questions incompletely. Everything was impromptu. I intentionally did not prepare. Maybe because I didn’t feel like I’m fully hearted in leaving the training department; I was just about to execute all the things we’ve learned from fast paced learnings, developmental trainings, and the observations I witnessed from my colleagues. I realised though that I can think fast but will have difficulty finding the right words to say. That being said I should be more careful especially when I started on the given post. I will have to conduct several meetings with my team and different teams from different departments. Gosh. I feel like I have(again) signed up myself for something that will test my character and skills, not yet fully grasping what the position really means.

Everybody is congratulating when what I actually wanna hear is something else.
25 September 2017 @ 12:18 am
Just now I was thinking of the pros and cons of being a QA Supervisor, when I should be checking what qualities I have that will make me get the post. Then I turned my head and stared at the most wonderful creation in this world.

He looks so feeble, innocent, pure. I always feel protective when I’m with him. But I know he’ll have a lot of pain and suffering to endure along the way. Some might break my heart, some might make me push him away, but I should know(or ensure) that most of those experiences will make him stronger, and wiser. I should help him face them with a strong foothold, no matter the situation is. I’ll be there to pick him up, or offer my hand, for him to decide.

Oh little child, what will the future bring?
Can you be kind, can you be brave,
Can you spread your wings,
To fly unknowingly?

I’ve been running around looking for a spot that will help me find where I can stretch my limits. I have found it, but maybe now is the time to put to test what I’ve learned.

I’m so blessed to have encountered everything.
14 August 2017 @ 11:23 pm

It's when you also want to feel the sun rays on a cold mountain.

And you want to feel nothing anymore, because you've lost that something that makes you feel.

But then there's someone who made you feel, it's worth saving.
10 May 2017 @ 01:10 am
Hey, it's me Lain, Alain now Buscano. Live and in LJ. Lols, so much for half moving on from that show.

Anyway, life has been in a fast track motion for me. I gave birth 3 months after the wedding in an intensely unbelievable caesarian section. I couldn't accept I would undergo a major surgery as I've never had before. I strongly wanted to deliver normally. Like I had been expecting, I wanted to feel the force, the pain, the suffering, the wolf cries of a mother. But I didn't want to take the other choice. It would have been too risky and I would have regretted forever. So whatever I had to undergo through, it had to happen. I felt the intense pain after the anesthesia left my body though. And I would not talk about it anymore. All I cared for was when I saw his face. The world seemed to stop. Nothing else mattered but him. I took him in my arms and felt like everything was right for the very first time in my life. He's complete. He's hungry and crying. He's okay.

I wanted to give everything he needed. So I did my best to ignore the pain. It took all of my power and will to provide what he needed- milk. I couldn't afford to give him the other option. So even though everything bled and hurt, I knew I was giving him the golden liquid, atleast until I came back to work.

Work. I thought I would be satisfied being a QA Analyst since I've been wanting it when I was an agent. But when I returned and gained enough strength to try something new, I got interested to become a trainer. Even though I know for a fact that I am so not good in teaching. So here I am, feeling overwhelmed that I survived a class. I guess I will never be the best one. Maybe I could be better. Having different people in control takes a lot of hard work and firmness. Needless to say, the pressure is enough to stress you out. But handling these people can teach you myriad of things as well. From icebreakers to counselling. I mean, ain't it dumb that I had to be righteous?? lol

I guess all I wanna say in this awfully long entry is, one way or another, we have to survive. Maybe I am just fortunate I have people who care and to care about. Maybe it's just a random of things connected/disconnected that showed me the meaning of life. And that it is wonderful, a lot of things in store. You could be enlightened, and/or enlighten others. It's a lot of stones ready for you to pick up to keep or throw away.

Yes, I am happy and breathing. There will still be times I feel like suffocating, but I guess my choices in life turned me to always search for holes to get some air. Enough to move on and make life worthy.